How to Handle Negative Comments When You're Expecting Twins

You announce that you're expecting twins and, alongside the lovely congratulations, someone inevitably says, 'Double trouble!' Or perhaps, 'Rather you than me.' It's amazing how quickly people can turn someone else's happy news into a warning.

I've heard plenty of these comments as a twin mum. Some are meant kindly, others are intrusive, and some are simply exhausting when you've heard them for the tenth time that week. You don't have to laugh along, justify yourself or answer personal questions. Here are some ways to respond that feel like you.

'Oh, you're going to have your hands full!'

A friendly response: 'Yes — full of cuddles!' A firmer one: 'We're really excited, actually.' You can acknowledge that life will be busy without treating your babies as a problem before they've arrived.

'Rather you than me!'

Try: 'We're very happy it's us!' It can be difficult when a pregnancy announcement is met with somebody else's dread. A short, warm reply is enough; you don't need to persuade anyone.

'Double trouble!'

This is the phrase I especially want to change. Why not double cuddles, double giggles or two wonderful little people? You can say, 'We prefer double the love, thanks.' It's simple, positive and might even make the person rethink what they say next time.

'You'll never sleep again!'

Try: 'We'll take it one day at a time.' Newborn life can be tiring, of course, but worrying predictions are rarely helpful. Practical offers of support, like cooking dinner or helping with errands, are much more welcome.

'Are they natural?'

This is a private question about how your family came to be. You have every right to say, 'That's personal,' or 'We'd rather keep that private.' Sometimes humour works too: we used to joke that one of ours was half robot, then laugh and move on!

'Which one is the clever one / quiet one / difficult one?'

Comparisons can start very early and continue as twins grow. You can say, 'They're both different children with different strengths.' Using their names and talking about their individual interests helps shift the conversation.

You can set a boundary without being rude

When you're tired of comments, you don't owe a perfect reply. Try 'We'd like to keep things positive,' change the subject or walk away. Protecting your excitement is more important than winning an argument.

What to say to somebody expecting twins instead

Try 'Congratulations!', 'How exciting!' or 'Is there anything I can do to help?' Ask about their hopes, not just the challenges. The language we use matters, and a little encouragement can go a long way.

Let's change the story around twins

That's one of the reasons I created Books for Twins: I wanted my children to hear positive stories about their relationship, while being celebrated as two individuals. Twin life isn't always easy, but the conversation around it doesn't have to begin with negativity.

That same belief in positive language is at the heart of the story behind Books for Twins. If you’d like to see the books created from that positive message, visit the shop.